Tuesday, May 10, 2011

A Mother's Worries

I barely blog anymore because I felt that I had nothing interesting left to say.  What was once a simple, secret diary to my then only child became an open book of the life I lead.  It became a story I was telling to my facebook friends and to whoever chose to click on the link I would add to my status.  I felt like I had to edit my thought because people will start judging me and learn so many things they wouldn't know if I didn't have this blog.  But tonight I find myself drawn to it again... It is therapeutic in so many levels...

Tonight I came home and I heard music coming from the nursery, M2 my lil marshmallow was sitting on her mat playing with her toy piano, sleepy eyed and startled to see me.  It is after all 1am, she should have been fast asleep.  Yaya said that she had a nightmare and couldn't stop crying.  I wonder what a 7month old baby would have nightmares about.  I'd give around 100 pesos to find out.  Maliit lang, curious lang ako and im pretty sure the answer would be funny anyways.

Life gets so busy even if I am a stay at home mom.  A bustling larger than life toddler eats up so much of my day and I always go to sleep feeling guilty about not spending enough time with my marshmallow.  She's so calm and not demanding at all.  It's like she understands that her sister really needs so much more attention.  A mother's guilt never ends. We always feel like we need to do more, we need to give more, we need to share everything that often times we forget about ourselves.  I wonder if dads feel the same way too.  But I wonder more if I am doing enough for the kids.  Are their activities educational enough, am I encouraging enough, do I set their limits enough or do I spoil them already.  When will it be enough?

The questions will never end to think M1 is barely 2 and a half years old... I am fearful of the questions I will be asking when she's 18.  We all just try to do our best with what we know and what we have.

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