As we grow older the problems seem to grow bigger. Bills never stop coming and money seems to evaporate like water. When I was young, in High School to be exact, I thought all the problems I had were the end of the world. I thought I had gone through so much already that I could write an epic novel about my supremely devastating life. More than 10years later? I realize now how lame I was. That having a bad report card was nothing. That cutting classes was an adventure I now remember fondly. My parents were furious to say the least but every now and then my best friend and I mention that fated day and we laugh about it. I wonder now if all the problems I am going through I can laugh about in 10 or so years.
I was in such a hurry to grow up. If marathons were the thing then, I would have been at the finish line seconds after the go signal. I wanted to grow up and be an adult not realizing that adulthood SUCKS. I wanted to get out of my parent's house because I wanted to be "free". Free to do what? Free to go out with my friends anytime or day I wanted to. Free to do whatever my heart desired. Now I am "free" and I truly LOVE spending time at home and I see my friends no more than once a month.
What I would give to live in my parent's house again, to be woken up for lunch that is already prepared. Then lay down in bed to read or to talk on the phone. I would watch tv, eat junk food and ice cream like there was no tomorrow and like it cost nothing. I'd turn on the cd player and take a long bath singing my pains away. Then dinner would be ready and I would eat again. I would complain and whine that I didn't like the food and I refused to eat my vegetables. What a difficult child I was. I was a brat. We would travel during the summer and I would sulk and pout if I didn't get to buy what I wanted. I remember buying an unreasonable pair of Doc Martens, 8 holes and cherry red. I thought I deserved it, from the bottom of my heart I really thought I did. Even if my parents had already bought me 2 other doc martens. If I could go back in time, i'd slap myself. In my recent trip to hongkong I realized how much a pair of DMs was and since I am now using my own money, I couldnt bear to buy that same cherry red 8 hole pair. (my old ones were donated to the poor). My only problems then was where we would go next, what I would buy and what we would eat.
Today, I wake up to no food prepared, I can no longer take long baths because the water bill is extremely high and the ice cream I like costs more than 400pesos a pint. My tastes have not diminished, I still long for the finer things in life but now they taste a bit less yummy because I have to pay for them myself. I have been living in a bubble. My last trip to Hong Kong was the 1st trip I have ever had that I had to pay for my own food. My childhood favorite restaurant serves vietnamese spring rolls for 100++ hkd. WOW for fried veggies rolled in wrapper. Ridiculous. Everyday I find myself feeling grateful to my parents who worked hard to give me the life I had. And at the same time I am annoyed at myself that I wasn't grateful then. Today I never complain about food. I eat whats there because if I don't I would have to cook something else.
What I would give to be able to live in my parent's house again. What I would give to be a child again. I want to experience the freedom that a child has that no adult will ever have (unless you win the lottery or rob a bank). What I would give to be able to watch a movie with no one talking in the background or with no work that needs to be done. What I would give to not be in a hurry in the everyday things I do.
I hope my kids stay young, stay as young as they can for as long as they can. I hope that somehow they get the most out of their childhood and never be in a hurry to grow up. Because once you're grown up, there's no going back.
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