Changing Yayas

When yaya leaves a big big part of their world changes.  No matter how hands on you are they are still affected by it because this is their first experience of someone going away.   When Bear's yaya left her a few months ago it was difficult for her, until now I can see that she hasn't gone back to her old self.  In the sense that she is still very much afraid that her new yaya will disappear just like the old one did.  There is no one solution on how to go through this process, there are different ways to help them depending on their personality and age.  With Maxiebear's old yaya, she left when Bear was a year and four months old.  Maxine doesn't remember her anymore now, but we had the yaya leave as M1 was taking her nap.  The yaya purposely went into the nursery and made loud noises so M1 would wake up, she did, she cried and asked the yaya to carry her but the yaya did not.  I took her and carried her as her yaya went on packing her things.  It took her more than 2 hours to pack.  I think she did it on purpose so that I would see M1 asking for her, she was not happy that I asked her to leave.  click here for the full flashback.

Here are some options you can choose from when your yaya wants to leave to help your child in adjusting.

1.  If your baby is smaller you can just ask the yaya to leave when baby is asleep and baby will look for yaya for a few days but will understand soon enough that the yaya is gone.  Depending on the age, the younger they are the less days they will ask.

2.  For toddlers, its better to tell them ahead of time and explain to them in the simplest of words that their yaya is leaving.  No need for reasons, just tell them that yaya will go back to her home but Mommy is here to stay.

3.  Make sure you remove all pictures of the child with the yaya.  One time M1 saw her picture with the yaya in the background, only the uniform could be seen, and she was reminded yet again of her old yaya.

4.  If she asks, answer her with the same line.  Be consistent in telling her the same thing.

5.  Make sure yaya never comes back to show her face.  M1's old yaya left a few days and then started calling me and dropping by the house when she knew we wouldn't be home.  Good thing the maid didn't let her in.

6.  M1's other yaya was nice enough to show the new yaya the ropes.  She helped show the new yaya how M1 liked things done so the adjustment wouldn't be so hard.  The 2 yayas worked together for 1 day with M1, showing M1 that it was okay for new yaya to feed her and do things with her.  The next day the yaya just hid in the room and watched from there, she didn't show herself to M1 anymore and that was it.  The bonus I got with the new yaya was that she's my mom's maid and M1 already knew her, so the adjustment wasn't as hard.

7.  Be extra nice and prepare yourself for the tears.  Depending on the child's personality, but most kids I know below the age of 3 usually cry when a caretaker leaves them.  If you are potty training let that take a backseat to this new adjustment, wait a week or to and get back to it.

8.  Don't leave the toddler with the yaya if the yaya is a person she doesn't know yet.  With babies its easier to leave them with the new person because they don't have a choice and they will sleep and adjust faster, maybe in just 1 day.  But with toddlers you have to be more careful abt the trauma it might cause them.  Let the new person do something with your child that you don't usually let the child do.  With M1 it was playing in the sink.

Usually the adjustment takes around a week.  A week for the child to get acquainted to the new caretaker.  A week for the child to fully grasps that the yaya he/she had is not coming back.  But everything else, we can't tell how long it will all take for it to go back to before.  In the past Maxine had no problem playing by herself in her room when she woke up from her nap, now she always asks to see her yaya then she can play.

For everyone going through this difficult task, goodluck!  But don't stop letting someone go just because you're afraid of the adjustments your child will have to go through.  Just keep in mind that this will pass by before you know it and that kids are resilient and adaptable.  If your child is 4yo and above I would think you won't have the same problems with yayas as we new moms do.

Tips On Putting Baby To Bed

Sleep... As kids we hated it.  In our teens we loved sleeping in, as older and freer adults we think we don't need it. As parents we crave for it and as we grow older the more worries we have, the lesser hours of sleep we get.  If it's one thing I lost that I still dream of getting back its my sleep.  8-10 hours of uninterrupted sleep.  Because I am still breast feeding, I only get a maximum of 8hours until I am awakened by the pain that a full tank causes.  So no matter how much I want to stay in bed and go back to sleep I am forced to get up and unleash the milk.  As new parents all we want is for our babies to sleep through the night, sleeping through the night means 5-6hours of sleep.  To be able to make that happen as early in their life as possible I have a few tips you can try.  These aren't secrets I have unearthed from the secret sleep cave, these are just common sense things that we forget due to our own lack of sleep.

Of course make sure that baby is well fed, clean and comfy...

#1 Don't let them nap too long and too deep in the afternoons.  When napping open the blinds or curtains, let the light in.  If they nap too long or too close to bedtime, its only natural that they will stay up later and wont sleep as long during the night.  During the night, turn off all the lights.

#2  Start a routine and keep to it.  Some moms like to massage baby before sleeping, others read them books or you can even play them soft music.  Both M1 and M2 have the same routine, they get bathed again in the afternoon or just wiped clean, drink milk and then lights are off and they are put to bed.  Any calm soothing activity is okay, but don't do 4-5 activities you don't want to over stimulate during the night.

#3  Start as you mean to go on.  This not only applies to sleep routines but to everything else as well.  With M1 she got used to being carried, rocked and sung to when being put to sleep.  Until now at 2yrs old she still likes that.  With M2 she got used to being rocked in her rocker and fell asleep on her own, now she's used to being put in the crib and literally falls asleep on her own just sucking on her fingers.  I've seen a dad bop up and down to calm his little baby during his sister's wedding.  We do whatever it takes to make them stop crying but remember, start as you mean to go on. If your knees can't take the bopping, don't start it.  :)

#4  Consult their schedule so you know what's going to happen next, take cues from them too.  They thrive when they follow routines so stick to that and you'll know generally what time they'll be tired but not exhausted when putting them to bed.  http://mommabearstales.blogspot.com/2011/02/record-everything.html

#5  Don't look at your baby in the eye when putting her to sleep.  It just encourages her to play with you.  Look at her belly or away from her so you don't strike a conversation anymore.  With toddlers, if they talk to you just answer with 2 words or less and tell them to close their eyes and you do the same too.  Some moms falls asleep before the kids do and theres nothing wrong with that. :)

#6  Don't wait for them to tell you they're tired, they won't.  Set a time and stick to that.  As toddlers they will fight you on sleep.  They will want to play til they can't anymore, they can't tell time yet so instead of saying "its 8pm its time for bed", give them a warning 30mins ahead of time.  Say "its time to go to sleep soon"  and by the time its really time to sleep they'll have had enough time to deal with it and let you put them to sleep.  Get the time they usually wake up and count how many hours they need to sleep at their age and then you'll know what time they have to be put to bed.  Maxine wakes up at 6am, she needs 10-11 hours of sleep so she goes to bed at 7 and falls asleep an hour or less after that.

#7  Give them sleep inducing snacks like a glass of warm milk or whole wheat bread with peanut butter.

#8 Lastly, there is no right or wrong thing to do... Do what works for you and if they don't stop crying, don't worry, they will!  They will cry until they are so tired they will fall asleep on their own.  I witnessed this happen when M2 was in the hospital and the doctor kept trying to put her IV in.  Doctor tried for an hour so M2 cried for an hour.  She eventually fell asleep even as they were still poking and prodding her.  So the last thing you can do is do nothing.  But I don't think any new mom can do that and before you even think about doing it, read up on the dos and don'ts of the cry it out method. :)

Tips On Yaya Hunting.

There are a few among us who don't get yayas for their kids.  I think these few should be given medals or even just an award for being supermoms.  There are also a select few who get 2 yayas for 1 child and those who still have yayas and are already in their 20's.  To these groups of people, shame on you for hiring someone to push the stroller and another to carry your child or bag, if the child is already running around.  Maybe i'm just envious because I know that they don't get stressed out about dayoffs like I do.

One of the hardest things about having a child is having a yaya.  They are stressful, psychotic and plain old annoying. The saying "can't live with them, can't live without them" refers to yayas.  Not unless you're lucky enough to still have the yaya who took care of you as a child, then you are truly one of the lucky few.  The vast majority have no idea where to get one so we turn to the agencies to give us options to choose from.  When I was a new mom I had a hard time interviewing because I was new at this and they were not.  Even the 20 somethings were veterans at the interview game.  Here are a few tips when interviewing one from an agency.

1.  Have your top 3 requirements/non negotiables.  For example mine were.  a. Younger than 50.  b.  Only 1 dayoff a month and c. Salary is 6thousand max.  I told the person at the agency these 3 things so that they wouldn't waste my time letting me interview people who don't want to agree to my requirements (they still did, they would do anything to make money).

2.  Ask her how old she is.  Then ask for the year she was born.  Why? Because they lie, if they're very old they subtract a few years and if they're young, they'll add some.  Why you don't want someone young, how much experience could a 21yr old have taking care of a baby?  Why you don't want someone old, lets face it the older you are the harder it is for you to see, hear and the slower you are.  I once tried a yaya who said she was 50 (She was at least 60) who couldn't see anymore.  She was changing Maxine's diaper and Maxine started to pee, she didn't even see that pee was coming out as she was cleaning.  "ay kaya pala parang may mainit"  was what she said.

3.  I have this theory that yayas with short hair do a better job.  I don't know why but I prefer them with short hair.  I hate seeing falling hair on the floor.  I really don't want to see my child holding or chewing on her yaya's hair.  I find short hair neater, I even give my help headbands to keep their hair out of their faces.

4.  Make sure you're yaya knows how to sing a lullabye or just plain old put a baby to sleep.  I once saw a yaya talk to the baby "bakit ayaw mo matulog? bakit ka umiiyak?"  and another yaya who sang London Bridge Is Falling Down as she shook the baby to sleep.

5.  Ask the yaya when she does her laundry.  The answer is supposed to be when her job is done or when the baby is asleep.  There are yayas who ask the maid to look after the baby during the daytime whlle they slowly wash their clothes or wash their clothes while the baby is crying, waiting for someone else to do their job.

6. Ask her what time she goes to sleep and what time she wakes up.  You don't want someone who watches telenovelas until 11pm because your baby will wake up whenever she feels like it (and most likely it will be  early).  If you sleep late and wake up early, what do you get?  A sleepy yaya, and a sleepy yaya is a clumsy yaya.  Tell them to sleep when the baby is sleeping so they get enough rest.

7.  Clarify your house rules early on.  Ask her if she thinks she can abide by them.  I don't let the yaya use her cellphone when the baby is awake.  Because i've seen yayas texting while feeding the baby, texting while carrying the baby, texting all the time.  I hate it.  If you don't want your yaya kissing your baby, make sure to make that clear early on.  Some moms don't understand this pet peeve of mine saying there's nothing wrong with the yaya kissing their child.  I always ask, so if you had a daughter its okay with you if your driver kisses her too?  I'm sure some will answer yes.  I remember a time in HS when my school actually held a seminar on yayas and drivers because one of the teachers saw a driver changing the clothes of the student.  It's okay, i'm sure there was no malice (but are we really really sure??).  The student was in grade 5 (I don't know why she didn't know how to change her own clothes) and it wasn't a pretty sight to see.

8.  Most yayas ask for 2 days off nowadays, if not they'll say that they'll get 1 day off but overnight.  Overnight means 24hours.  If they leave at 7am they have to be back by 7 the next day.  Make the time clear.  But no matter how clear you are with them, be assured that they will never come home on time.  And their excuse will always be because it's traffic.  Some who don't go out ask for compensation.

9.  Find out how much experience they've had.  Make clear that if they say they took care of so and so they mean they worked for someone.  Because taking care of their nieces and nephews don't count.  If they can give the number of their former employer that would be great for you, but that happens rarely and when you do get a number its usually a fake one.

10.  If you plan to breastfeed, find out if they've worked for someone who has breastfed.  So you know that they know how to handle breast milk.  If they haven't then that means you have to make clear how important the milk is and how careful they have to be with it.  I've had a yaya who threw away 10oz of my milk because she thought it tasted bad.  But she's never tasted breast milk before so she has nothing to compare it with and to this day it disturbs me why she drank the milk in the first place!

11.  You're the boss.  Make clear that you didn't hire her to be her friend or to be treated like her child (this is one of the cons when you get someone much older than you).  I don't like the superstitious beliefs that yayas have with their alaga, like putting a strand of thread on their foreheads when they hiccup.  I had a yaya who ruined the bed sheet just so she could do that.  This is another question you could ask before you even hire the person.  Because if you don't want you baby's feet smelling like ginger then find out.  You can't really cover all the bases so when the time comes that you and your yaya disagree on something, you should put your foot down your rules should be followed.  She is your child after all.

11.  If you were lucky enough to find someone you think is okay on the phone, go to the agency and interview her one more time personally.  Take a look at the person who will be taking care of your child when you can't.  Judge the book by its cover.

Remember that half of what they say has been rehearsed and you really won't know the truth about them until they're in your house for a few months.  You won't find out how capable they are until you see them working already.  If you see something you don't like look for a replacement, you have 3 chances to find someone that you really like.  Don't settle for less because in the end whatever small thing you didn't like in the beginning, will seem bigger as she stays longer.  Read the contract before you sign it.  Their contracts usually last for 6 months, after that you have to pay the agency fee again if you want to get someone new.  Be warned that they usually show their true colors at the 6th month, I don't know if its a coincidence (I dont think it is) or its them trying to annoy you enough so you'll fire them (if you fire them, you will have to pay a compensation).  Lastly, be kind and encouraging.  They take care of your child when you aren't around so you want them to be happy with their jobs.  Check up on them only from time to time especially if you see they know what they're doing.  Let them do their jobs, just make sure your child is well fed, clean, healthy and happy.

Don't take it personally when they decide to leave, because they will leave for whatever reason they have.  Good luck in this tiresome endeavor and remember, you've only just begun!