Thursday, February 24, 2011


No mom thinks she's doing a perfect job.  We all lie there wide awake thinking we don't do enough, we don't give enough, we don't spend enough time with our kids.  The moms who are fast asleep are the ones who are exhausted from doing it all.  All that we cannot do.  Kaylabear is sick again due to my lack of attention and being super irresponsible.

Back in HS writing down my assignments was a chore and doing those same assignments was a bore.  I remember those days when my heart would start pounding because I yet again went to school empty handed.  This is how I felt last night, well, multiply that by 100000000. I also remember feeling untouchable, invincible and superhero like back then.  All that is gone when you have children.  Goodbye to not having a care in the world.  Farewell to spontaneous trips and zero planning.  Forgotten are the times when you walk around having nothing to do and nothing on your mind.  I have not updated my ipod since 2008, I haven't felt the sand between my toes since the summer of '08, Haven't gone out of town since the fall of '08.  It all ended when Maxine came out.  Time consuming, attention demanding lil Darling.

Then a year a 10months later Kaylabear comes out, the complete opposite of her Achie, she is not at all demanding.  She can stay in her crib playing with her toys.  She doesn't cry when she wakes up, she just waits for you to notice her.  So all the attention stayed with the sweet and noisy Achie.  We don't know yet what's causing Kayla's sickness so we're going to go thru a few tests the coming weeks to find out.

Between my lack of sleep, forgetfulness and what feels like 15hr days I know that if I were more careful she wouldn't have gotten so sick again.  I am only human but I wish to not be an irresponsible human and be a normal well balanced mom. Goodluck to me and I would really like to know how other moms do it all?

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