Friday, February 25, 2011
Tiger Mom Amy Chua
I first heard about this through a friend, I then brought it up with my other friends last night and they've all read the Time article on the book and on Amy Chua. I decided to google it and after reading the article today, I believe that we were in fact correct in saying that her stories aren't such a big deal. We've heard worse and experienced the same things. Who is Tiger Mom to the west is merely a normal mom here.
I agree with her when it comes to complementing a child. We applaud so much now for the smallest of things, saying to our children how smart they are or how great they are. When we should in fact be praising them for their actions and not who we think they are. To say "you're so nice!" and "helping mommy with that was nice" is different from each other. We need to encourage them to do more positive acts. I myself made the mistake of getting used to applauding when M1 did or said something she just learned. Like the other night she said "Barney is a dinosaur" we were so surprised that she said the whole sentence on her own. Somehow it's gotten to her head that as long as she says certain things or accomplishes tasks she deserves applause. But now I try and save the applause for the things I think really deserve them.
Nowadays we want to be loved by our children so much we're afraid to anger them so we don't discipline as much as they need to be disciplined. Whatever happened to "No means NO" and LAST. Often times I see parents using someone else to scare the child. I myself, am the scary aunt to a cute little boy, his mom told the fairy tale that we are neighbors and that I lock kids up in my dungeon. In order to be strict we need to be firm. Those two things come hand in hand. We need to stand our ground at all times. Waiver a bit and they know they can push you over. Kids are smarter than we think and they will push the line until you place a brick wall and show them their boundaries. They are waiting for you to do that, they need for us to do that. The thing is, in our society there are a number of primary caregivers , where in even the grandparents are very involved in raising the child, we lose the consistency. The mom says one thing but the dad says another. In my house I don't mind being the bad guy all the time. As long as she knows I am still the boss. She doesn't have to love me all the time but she has to listen to me ALL the time.
Whatever way you wish to raise your child is all up to you just always remember to be consistent. Consistency from you and the primary caretakers of the child. If she gets away with things when you aren't around then she will only learn to hide things from you, then lie and then cheat. The teachers always said that if you cheat on your exam you're only cheating yourself and now as an adult I know this much is true.
Everyone is special. Everyone can be good at one thing or another. But greatness is 2 steps above good and behind every great child is a very strict and loving mom.
click here for the q&a article with Amy Chua and here for an article about the book.